Imaginary friends: why do some children create friends only they can see?

Translated from the original Brazilian Portuguese article with the help of artificial intelligence. Clinical review, when applicable, was done on the Portuguese version. Read the original in Portuguese

Has your child started talking to themselves, set an extra plate at the table or introduced someone only they can see?

“Don't step there, my friend is playing!”

To adults, the situation may seem curious — and even cause some worry. But in childhood, creating an imaginary friend can be part of developing imagination and pretend play.

Most of the time, it does not mean the child is lonely, sad or has an emotional problem. It may simply be a creative way to play, try out situations and make sense of the world around them.

What is an imaginary friend?

An imaginary friend is a character the child creates.

It can be another child, an adult, an animal, a superhero, a fantasy creature or something completely made up.

Some children give their imaginary friends a name, an age, a personality and even preferences.

Others turn toys, dolls or stuffed animals into characters with their own stories.

And some children never create an imaginary friend — which is also perfectly normal.

Every child finds different ways to play and express their imagination.

At what age can it appear?

Pretend play starts to take up a lot of space during the early years of childhood.

Imaginary friends can appear from around 2 and a half years of age and are especially common during the preschool years, when imagination is developing quickly.

They may stick around for a few weeks, months or even a few years.

They may also simply disappear when the child loses interest.

There is no exact age at which an imaginary friend has to appear or go away.

Why do children create imaginary friends?

There are several possibilities.

because it's fun.

The child can create stories, adventures and situations using that character.

But this kind of play can also help the child try out social situations.

“Are you scared today?”

In this kind of dialogue, the child may be reenacting situations they observe at home, at school or in other settings.

The American Academy of Pediatrics explains that imaginary friends can give children a space to practice social skills, communication and different points of view.

Does having an imaginary friend mean the child is lonely?

Not necessarily.

This is one of the most common myths on the subject.

A child can have real friends, play normally with other children and still have an imaginary companion.

The made-up friend doesn't have to replace real relationships.

It can simply be part of their play.

So finding out that your child has an imaginary friend doesn't automatically mean they are isolated or facing an emotional problem.

“That friend doesn't exist.”

You also don't need to dive completely into the fantasy.

A relaxed attitude usually works best.

“That's fine. Where is Pedro going to sit?”

The idea is to show interest in the game without turning the character into something bigger than the child wants it to be.

Use it to get to know your child's world

Stories involving the imaginary friend can offer clues about what the child is thinking or feeling.

“What is he afraid of?”

Sometimes the answer is simply part of a made-up adventure.

At other times, the game can open up space to talk about feelings the child can't yet explain directly.

“My imaginary friend did it.”

Creative? Very.

But the character doesn't have to become a free pass for any behavior.

“I see. Then you and your friend can help me clean up.”

That way, the fantasy stays fun, but the house rules still apply.

Do you need to make room for the imaginary friend?

You don't need to reorganize your whole routine because of them.

“Don't sit there, my friend is sitting there.”

And there's another seat available, it's fine to play along.

But if it starts to interfere too much with the family's routine, you can set limits calmly.

For example:

“He can sit with us, but today we don't have room to leave this chair empty.”

Imagination and limits can easily coexist.

When is it worth talking to the pediatrician?

In most cases, imaginary friends are part of the world of childhood play and fade away naturally over time.

Even so, it's worth talking to the pediatrician or another professional who follows your child if there are other important changes associated with their behavior.

The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends paying attention especially when there are also concerns about speech development or social interaction, sudden changes in behavior, concentration or hygiene, or when the imaginary character is constantly described as threatening or as encouraging violent behavior.

Context matters a lot.

An imaginary friend, on its own, is usually no cause for concern.

Don't turn imagination into fear

For a young child, a box can become a spaceship.

The sofa can be a mountain.

A blanket can turn into a superhero cape.

And someone who doesn't exist for anyone else can become the best companion for that day's adventure.

Imaginative play is part of childhood.

Instead of trying to quickly get rid of this fantasy, adults can observe, talk and take the opportunity to get to know a little better the world the child is building.

Maybe the invisible visitor will disappear tomorrow.

Or maybe they'll stick around for a few more seasons.

Either way, it can make for some good stories.

Having an imaginary friend:

can be part of child development;
does not automatically mean loneliness;
can appear during pretend play;
can help the child try out social situations and emotions;
usually fades away naturally as the child grows;
doesn't need to be encouraged or discouraged;
deserves a professional evaluation when it appears alongside other signs that worry the family.

If anything about your child's behavior or development is worrying you, talk to the pediatrician who follows your child.

Sources consulted

American Academy of Pediatrics — HealthyChildren.org

“My child plays with an imaginary friend. Should I be concerned?”