When the positive doesn't come: how to cope with anxiety while trying to conceive

Deciding to try for a baby can bring excitement, plans and anticipation.

But when the months go by and the test keeps coming back negative, that anticipation can start to share space with anxiety, frustration, fear and lots of questions.

“How much longer is this going to take?”

These thoughts can show up even when you've only recently started trying.

And feeling anxious during this time doesn't necessarily mean there's a mental health problem. Trying to conceive involves waiting for something that matters a lot and, at the same time, is hard to control.

The problem is when that waiting starts to take over practically every part of life.

Why can trying to conceive cause so much anxiety?

There's something particularly hard about trying to get pregnant: you can plan, track your cycle and look after your health, but you can't decide exactly when the pregnancy will happen.

Each month can bring a new cycle of emotions:

anticipation → waiting → test → result → frustration → trying again.

For some people, this process gets heavier and heavier.

The World Health Organization recognizes that fertility difficulties can have a significant impact on emotional well-being and are associated with anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, stigma and social distress.

Is it normal to feel anxious waiting to take the test?

Feeling some anxiety is understandable.

Uncertainty about a possible pregnancy, paying attention to every signal from your body and anticipation for test day can make anyone more apprehensive.

What deserves attention is when anxiety starts to cause significant distress.

For example:

• thinking about getting pregnant practically all day;
• trouble working or concentrating;
• frequent problems sleeping;
• intense fear of getting another negative result;
• constant crying spells;
• irritability that starts to affect relationships;
• avoiding other people because of the topic;
• feeling guilt or shame;
• losing interest in activities you used to enjoy.

The WHO distinguishes occasional anxiety from situations where fear and worry become intense, hard to control and start interfering with daily life.

You don't have to wait until you reach your limit to seek help.

The wait between ovulation and the test can be especially hard

If you're trying to conceive, you probably know that stretch of time when every sensation in your body seems to take on a different meaning.

“Could this be a symptom?”

The problem is that many signs of a possible early pregnancy can also happen normally throughout the menstrual cycle.

Trying to interpret every small change can make anxiety even worse.

One strategy is to decide in advance when you'll take the test and try to avoid repeated testing before then.

This doesn't take away the anticipation, but it can ease the cycle of constant checking a little.

Trying to control everything can end up increasing the pressure

Cycle apps, ovulation tests and calendars can be useful tools.

But there's a difference between using information to help you and feeling that every time you have sex has become a scheduled task.

If tracking every detail is adding a lot of stress, it's worth talking with your partner about how to make this process feel less mechanical.

Trying to conceive is also part of your life as a couple.

It doesn't have to become solely a reproduction project.

When someone close to you announces a pregnancy

This can be one of the most emotionally complicated moments for anyone who's trying.

It's possible to feel happy for someone else and, at the same time, sad about your own situation.

These feelings aren't incompatible.

“I wanted to be happy, but I felt awful.”

That doesn't make you a bad person.

Sometimes pregnancy announcements, baby showers or conversations about children simply come at an emotionally difficult moment.

Respecting your own limits is also part of taking care of yourself.

Watch out for guilt

When pregnancy takes a while, one question comes up often:

“What am I doing wrong?”

Most of the time, this is an unfair way of putting all the responsibility on yourself.

Fertility depends on many factors and, when a couple is trying to conceive, the causes of difficulty may be related to the woman, the man, both, or may even remain without an identifiable explanation.

The WHO emphasizes that infertility can involve male, female or unexplained factors.

That's why looking into fertility shouldn't be the woman's responsibility alone.

“Just relax and it'll happen” doesn't always help

If you're trying to conceive, you've probably heard some version of:

“So-and-so stopped trying and got pregnant.”

These comments are usually well meant, but they can increase guilt.

Anxiety isn't a switch you can simply turn off.

And not being able to relax doesn't mean you're responsible for how long it's taking to get pregnant.

Difficulty conceiving can have many biological causes and shouldn't be reduced simply to a person's emotional state.

Your partner may be struggling too

Two people don't always show anxiety in the same way.

While one may want to talk all the time about attempts and tests, the other may prefer to stay quiet.

That doesn't necessarily mean a lack of interest.

It may just be a different way of coping with the situation.

Try to protect spaces that have nothing to do with pregnancy

When the wish to get pregnant takes up a lot of room, there's a risk that your whole life starts revolving around it.

It can help to protect moments when fertility isn't the main topic.

For example:

• going out together;
• watching something;
• seeing friends;
• traveling;
• cooking;
• doing some physical activity;
• keeping up your hobbies;
• simply talking about other things.

This doesn't mean giving up or pretending that trying doesn't matter.

It means remembering that you are still individuals and a couple beyond it.

Social media can increase the pressure

While you're waiting for a positive test, it can seem like there's a new pregnancy on Instagram every day.

It's important to remember that social media shows selected moments of other people's lives.

but you don't necessarily see:

• how long that person tried;
• treatments;
• losses;
• fear;
• tests;
• difficulties.

If a certain type of content is causing you distress, temporarily reducing your exposure to it can be a legitimate act of self-care.

What about trying-to-conceive groups?

Finding people going through something similar can be comforting.

Groups can offer:

• a sense of identification;
• sharing of experiences;
• support;
• the feeling of not being alone.

But there's another side.

Some groups can also increase:

• comparison;
• anxiety;
• over-interpretation of symptoms;
• the spread of information without evidence;
• pressure to take tests or undergo treatments.

Use these spaces as support, not as a substitute for medical guidance.

**“there is necessarily infertility”.**

The WHO defines infertility as the absence of pregnancy after 12 months or more of regular unprotected sexual intercourse.

But the right time to seek an evaluation may vary depending on age, health history and other factors.

For example, reproductive medicine societies recommend earlier evaluation for some people, especially as age increases or when there are known factors that may affect fertility.

This means you don't have to simply wait indefinitely.

If you're worried, talking with a gynecologist or a reproductive medicine specialist is worthwhile even before meeting a formal definition of infertility.

Seeking help doesn't mean starting in vitro fertilization

There's a common fear that seeing a specialist means automatically entering a complex assisted reproduction process.

That's not necessarily how it works.

The initial evaluation usually aims to understand:

• health history;
• menstrual cycles;
• ovulation;
• reproductive health;
• the partner's history, when there is one;
• possible factors that may be making conception harder.

The WHO global guideline published in 2025 proposes a stepwise approach to investigation and treatment, starting from the needs and characteristics of each person or couple.

When should you seek psychological help?

You don't need a diagnosis to talk to a psychologist.

It's worth considering support when this phase starts causing frequent distress.

Some signs may include:

• anxiety that's hard to control;
• persistent sadness;
• a sense of hopelessness;
• constant guilt;
• isolation;
• frequent conflicts in the relationship;
• difficulty working;
• significant changes in sleep;
• loss of interest in things;
• the feeling that your life is on hold while you wait to get pregnant.

The WHO's new global infertility guideline highlights precisely the importance of ongoing psychosocial support for people affected by fertility difficulties.

Seeking psychological support doesn't mean admitting defeat.

It can simply be a way to get through a hard phase with more support.

What if the anxiety becomes very intense?

If there is intense emotional distress, frequent crises or thoughts of hurting yourself or that life isn't worth living, seek professional help immediately.

In Brazil, health services, including SUS (Brazil's public health system) units and emergency services, can provide guidance and care as needed.

In situations of immediate risk, seek emergency care.

How can family help someone who's trying to conceive?

Sometimes family members want to help but end up adding pressure.

“Why aren't you pregnant yet?”

can hurt more than they seem.

A support network can help in much simpler ways:

• respecting privacy;
• listening without offering solutions all the time;
• avoiding comparisons;
• not blaming anyone;
• not telling stories about “someone who got pregnant when she gave up”;
• asking how they can help;
• respecting when the person doesn't want to talk about it.

It's also important not to put the whole emotional weight of trying on the woman.

You don't have to turn every month into a test

It's understandable to really want that positive test.

But a negative result doesn't mean you failed.

And it says nothing about your worth, your ability to build a family or what will happen in the next cycle.

When trying starts to weigh too much, maybe the question doesn't have to be:

**“How can I get through this wait with more support?”**

The answer may involve your partner, family, friends, health professionals and, when needed, psychological care.

You don't have to carry it all alone.

Key takeaways

• It's common for trying to conceive to come with anticipation and anxiety.
• A negative result doesn't automatically mean infertility.
• The WHO recognizes that difficulty getting pregnant can significantly affect emotional well-being.
• Fertility is not the woman's responsibility alone.
• There is no evidence for simply reducing every difficulty in getting pregnant to “not relaxing enough”.
• Limiting excessive checking, comparisons and content that increases anxiety can help some people.
• Seeking psychological support is worthwhile even without a diagnosis.
• If you're concerned about fertility, talk to a health professional about the right time to be evaluated.
• Family can help more by listening and respecting limits than by offering opinions.

Can anxiety stop a person from getting pregnant?

Fertility is influenced by many factors, and difficulty getting pregnant shouldn't automatically be attributed to anxiety. Telling someone to simply “relax” can create even more guilt.

Is it normal to feel sad every month when my period arrives?

Frustration and sadness can happen when you're hoping for a pregnancy. If this distress becomes very intense, persistent or starts to interfere with your routine, it's worth seeking support.

How long of trying to conceive is considered infertility?

The WHO defines infertility as not achieving a pregnancy after 12 months or more of regular unprotected sexual intercourse. The time to seek evaluation may come sooner depending on age and health history.

Do I need to wait a year to talk to a doctor?

Not necessarily. Age, menstrual history, health conditions and other factors may justify an earlier evaluation. If you're worried, it's worth talking to a professional.

Should my partner be evaluated too?

When there is a partner providing sperm, the investigation may involve both of you. Fertility difficulties can involve male, female or combined factors, or remain without an identified cause.

When should I see a psychologist?

You don't have to wait until the anxiety becomes unbearable. If trying is causing significant distress or affecting your sleep, work, relationships or quality of life, psychological support can be helpful.

Main source

Text provided for the production of this article — “Anxiety in pregnancy and postpartum: how to cope with these feelings”.

The material served as a starting point for the discussion about anxiety and support strategies.

Since the editorial goal was later clarified as anxiety while trying to conceive, the passages about pregnancy, postpartum, heartburn, cracked nipples and mastitis were excluded.

Additional sources

World Health Organization — Infertility. Updated on November 28, 2025.

Used for the definition of infertility, the factors involved, and emotional and psychosocial impacts.

World Health Organization — Guideline for the prevention, diagnosis and treatment of infertility. 2025.

Used for information on person-centered care and the need for psychosocial support throughout the infertility journey.

World Health Organization — Anxiety disorders. 2025.

Used to distinguish occasional anxiety from conditions involving significant distress and impairment of daily life.

American Society for Reproductive Medicine — Evidence-Based Response to Infertility.

Used as a complementary reference on fertility evaluation and the importance of emotional support during investigation and treatment.

Important notice

This content is for educational purposes and does not replace fertility evaluation, diagnosis or follow-up by health or mental health professionals.

If trying to conceive is causing you intense emotional distress or significantly interfering with your routine, talk to a health professional.